Behind Closed Doors...
"I don't know why this is so hard for me. I'm usually able to talk about what I'm feeling but lately its been getting so hard to open up"
"Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know, it just happened. It feels like everything thats bothering me gets locked up reducing me into this pityful mass of nothingness. I just feel so... helpless."
"Tell me, why do you feel this way?"
"I guess you could say that its because of my mother's death a couple of months ago. Everyone has been saying that I haven't been the same since."
"How did your mother die?"
"Suicide. She wrote me and my dad a note saying how sorry she was that she had to go this way, but it was the only choice. She said she felt stuck and there was nothing we could do to help her."
"Do you think you have helped her?"
"Yeah, I know I could've helped her, if she had just given me the chance. She had this eerie glazed over smile and whenever i'd ask her about it, she'd shut me out. Almost as if she already mentally died and was waiting to finish the deed.
"Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive your mother?"
"I don't know, Theres a part of me that wants to burn everything that reminded me of her but at the same time, the other part of me still needs her mommy."
"I mean... I know I'm almost eighteen and I'm practically an adult, but theres a lot of things only a mother can help you with with.. ya know? Like knowing whether or not he's the one or making the best chocolate chip cookies or even knowing that no matter bad you screw up in life you'll always have a place to stay with Mom and Dad. It things like that I need her for and my dad can only help so much."
"Do you think its possible that you're afraid that you'll do the same thing?"
"I guess you could say that. Sometimes I feel like that. Everybody says we act the same. I wouldn't be so scared if there was a woman on my moms side who was older than 34. I don't want to do that to my daughter. I don't even want to do that to myself. I can't die like that, just laying there dying slowly and going through unbelievable amounts of pain, I couldn't cause that much pain to the ones I loved, especially all alone behind closed doors"
GOOD? BAD?... thoughts please..